The Love Tank

Here at Baby Sleep Society we believe the concept of the ‘Love Tank’ is not only a beautiful visual, but it is one of the most important tools you can have in your sleep tool kit. Every child has a ‘love tank’, an emotional space inside them, that needs to be filled on a daily basis, and in doing so it can create the right mindset to drift off into a peaceful and secure sleep. Think about going to bed yourself. How feelings of stress, anxiety or disconnection from others can affect the rhythm of your mind as you prepare for sleep. Whilst adults can often regulate these feelings, children often cannot. By filling up their love tank before bedtime, children can feel cared for, content, happy and confident, all of which can encourage better behaviour and mindset for sleep. 

There are many simple ways to fill a love tank up before bedtime without compromising your bedtime routine or eating into your precious adult evening time! You can simply take some time for a cuddle and tell them how much you love them, you can listen to them while they tell you about their day or make them giggle. If your child seems to have lost confidence falling asleep at bedtime, then you might want to take this a step further with some simple emotional coaching to help regain feelings of confidence and security. By teaching children to be aware of their emotions, both positive and negative, anxiety can often reduce. One therapy is called ‘Filial play’ which parents can carry out themselves and has been shown to improve attachment and reduce anxiety through play. Just 5-10 minutes of highly focussed playtime with your child may enable their ‘love tank’ to be filled up more than usual. We know it can be tiring (or boring!), but it will allow them to feel calmer, more content and strengthen the bond you already have with them. Perhaps you can create a ‘special basket’ of toys to be used for this focussed playtime. Put it between you and let your child guide the play but try to notice and describe everything they’re doing ‘oh you’ve driven the car up mummy’s arm’ or ‘you’ve handed me a dinosaur, what would you like me to do with it?’.

My son Eddie relishes my attention before bedtime and its noticeable how he behaves if I haven’t carved out some time to line up 20 cars in a row and drive each one down the garage ramp. He gets clingy and teary at bath time, resists his pyjamas and tells me to ‘stop being naughty mummy’. Bedtime becomes a battle, and he seeks my comfort in frequent shout-outs for water and cuddles. To avoid the emergence of Grumplestiltskin, I take the time to fill up his love tank, and you know what, it fills mine too. The key is to keep the focussed play calm and quiet. You want to avoid boosting adrenaline levels right before bedtime (a problem in itself!), so keep that in mind when picking your love tank strategy.  

We’d love to hear the ways in which you fill your child’s love tank and yours! Please comment below. 

If you want to find out more about our holistic approach to sleep coaching, then check out our personalised sleep packages here.